Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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