ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
