Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's blow job season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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