New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
