My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My vagina is officially offended.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
