Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
