Where did you get a picture of my penis
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
