She is in my trunk
Sponge bath it is.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
