you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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