i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
