Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
