in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
