You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
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