The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
