just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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