You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
