I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
