I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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