we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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