I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
wrigley field is MILF paradise
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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