Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You ate ashes out of my bong
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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