Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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