Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
