I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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