I can't watch pbs sober anymore
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
