I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
