I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
