she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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