I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
