we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
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He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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