He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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