I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
