I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
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