she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize
