3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
