2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
