By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
