So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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