We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
