"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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