Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
