You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
