ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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