Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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