Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.