you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
