She is in my trunk
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
