You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
