real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
