There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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