i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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