I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
