You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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