No stitches, just platelets and will power
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
