you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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