my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
