someone threw a dead crab at me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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