So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
