Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
