thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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